Happy three month birthday my sweet little girl. I am missing you so much. I went back to work a month ago and almost every day there is a reminder that I didn't get to go home with my little angel, that I will never hold you again, that I will never see your eyes, or hear you cry. The logical part of me knows that you would not have had a good life and that you wouldn't see your beautiful brother and sister would never know how wonderful a flower could smell. I would never want you to be unhappy or in any pain. The logical part of me understands why you are not here with me celebrating your three month birthday.

The emotional part of me wants you here and healthy and doing the things that a three month old should be doing. This part of me finds hate and jealousy every time I see a pregnant woman or a newborn. Why the hell is it I had a baby that died and some stupid teenager or some woman living on welfare gets to have their baby gets to take that baby home and take for granted the wonderful gift they have in their arms.

Now I am literally going nuts, seeing people that aren't there and talking to them, I feel like my head is spinning in very slow motion, and it doesn't matter how much or how little amount of sleep I get I always feel the same. I can't function, I can't think, and I can't say what I am trying to say so I have resorted to saying nothing unless it is small talk.

We placed your headstone almost two weeks ago on July 18th. It turned out beautiful. We put a spot for the pinwheels that Kim got you and two spots for flowers and put Ebon and Aliah's hand prints in the concrete.

I love you so much my little angel I hope that you are smiling up there in heaven please wait for me and know that you are always in my heart and always on my mind.